We often hear people talk about “seasons” in their lives. We have times of high energy productivity and then we have times of hibernation. We go through seasons of crisis and peace. We go through season of loss and seasons of bounty. We go through periods of self reflection and even seasons of healing and rest. As of late, I have felt very stale, stagnant, suppressed, even blocked. I have been trying to force myself out of this so-called rut yet with each self inflicted jolt, I seem to push myself further backwards.
Then, like a ton of bricks, the answer became clear. I preach about paying attention to the billboards yet I put my head in the sand. I haven’t put my focus exactly where God and the universe need it to be at this particular moment or season. Before I can accomplish what it is that I think I want to do, I need to accomplish and close out the season they have put before me.
Before I can move forward I have to complete this season of self reflection and healing which feels like being trapped in a box to me. First, self reflection. WOW! This one is really hard for me. Trust me; I know my shortcomings far too well. I beat myself up about them almost daily, so much so that sometimes I almost paralyze myself with regret and fear. What I have come to realize in the past few days is that these “shortcomings” are what make me, well, me! That is not to say that I don’t need to improve. Oh GOOD LORD, NO! But what it means is that it’s time for me to reflect and look at some of my choices and decisions and reconcile what they meant then and what they mean for me now, as well as deciding to let go, forgive and move forward.
Healing and rest comes next. Actually, it’s almost simultaneous. A few issues have been put in my path that I didn’t necessarily want to have to deal with right now. In fact, I thought I had closed the door on them long ago. Then out of the blue, WHAM! Right back in my face. I have decided to accept these challenges as an opportunity for a do-over. Am I going to go forward in fear and anger or am I going to go forward with peace and love and faith? Yesterday I made the choice to go the latter route. It was a big decision for me. The other is so much easier. Yet, this time, my heart is happy. In this time of healing my body and mind, I am also accepting the season of rest that has been put before me. Rest. This is particularly difficult for me. I never let my mind and body stop. I never give myself permission. This time, however, I know what God and the Universe have planned for me. I can feel the momentum coming and I accept now that the reconciliations taking place in my brain and the healing and rest for body are necessary and actually a key component to the master plan forthcoming on my walk through this life.
In some ways it feels so awkward to me to accept yet in a huge way it feels refreshing at the same time. I don’t feel nearly as conflicted as I did five days ago. While I accept that I have a ways to go yet, I feel such great relief in letting go of the fear and uncertainty.
I hope you feel peaceful and restful and faithful today as well friends!
With love and faith,