You Know You Are Alive When…

You know you’re alive when you feel that pressure in your chest that tells you your heart has been broken, when you feel a little sick at your stomach but not sure what it means, and yet you know you have to keep moving forward because looking back is not a safe option anymore.

I woke up this morning with a knowing in my heart. Actually it started last night. That feeling you get when you know things in your life are shifting. Like those pictures of the icebergs we see on the National Geographic Channel. Things start to splinter and all you can do is hang on, not knowing where the shift will take us, but we know exactly where we have been.

In my previous post I announced I was letting go of a toxic relationship. I consciously decided that I would no longer be emotionally attached to that which did not serve my highest good. That part was easy. Even when I received a text from him on his birthday. He said he wanted to be sure I didn’t forget. I wished him well and let it go… until he asked if I was dating. Then I decided there was no right answer to that question, and quite frankly it was not his business so I ended the communication.

My intuition is very strong. I know in my heart he is seeing another woman. They were together/together last night, and I am pretty sure she doesn’t know he is married. It hurts in my heart chakra this morning. And, maybe it’s his guilt I am feeling. Who knows.

I have spent the past 12 hours (in and out of sleep) wondering why all the sudden this feeling is back, and what I have decided is this… There is someone new coming into my life. I feel that too. And, maybe I needed that one last reminder that I deserve someone who can give me the unconditional love and respect I deserve. Someone who can be fully present in my life. My heart hurts this morning, but I know this.. I know I am alive. I know I can love again, and this time it’s going to be the real deal. No strings attached. No other people in the room… just us two.

The thought of that makes me smile, even though my heart hurts. That pain in my heart is a gentle reminder that I am capable of love, and I will love again because I know that I am alive and living authentically. I don’t have to pretend or lie to myself anymore about what’s really going on. I will love — and I will love in an authentic space, and I am looking forward to it enormously.

Love and Light,
Lydia

 

 

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