Starting Over

I’m ready to start again. I know… I’ve been away for a while. I’ve been doing some soul searching and trying to let go of some guilt that really didn’t belong to me. A little over two years’ ago I fell in love with a man who I realize now I didn’t really know. I thought I did. I am a pretty intuitive person and feel like I can read people, but it’s clear to me now that I read this all wrong and it’s time to let go of the lie.

He was married. He was married and he didn’t tell me until six months into the relationship after I had surrendered my heart to him. I realize now that it wasn’t him I surrendered my heart to…. It was WHO I WANTED HIM TO BE. And, that is what I have to let go of today. I have gone through every emotion over this lie. I have felt guilt that belongs to him not me. I have felt sadness at a love that belonged to someone else not this person I thought I knew. And, I grieved for something lost that was real in my heart, but mine alone. It’s time to let go.

I am letting go of the guilt. I am letting go of the lies. I am letting go of the shame. I am letting go of the love that was in my heart — and I am going to find a new place for that love to live. It’s time.

Nine years ago, I was the wife who was cheated on by her husband, and I never would have chosen this path to be on the other side of that equation. He chose this path for me and it was never his right to. I don’t know why God put me in this place, but I know now that I will never again sacrifice my integrity in a relationship with myself or anyone else.

It’s time to clean house.

We all make mistakes. Some are chosen for us, and some we walk straight into with full knowing. But, I am forgiving myself today and letting go of the past. It is the only way to walk tall into the future.

For those of you out there hanging on to guilt or shame… it’s time. It’s time to let it go and not let it define who you are today or tomorrow. Love yourself enough right now to let it go and live today like it’s your first day.

Happy birthday to me. Today is my first day. I am ready.

Love and Light,
Lydia

P.S.  About an hour after posting this, this came through on my Facebook feed.  Thank you for the validation that I am on the right path. Blessings. http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/all-endings-are-also-beginnings/

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