Relationships should not start with a job interview

I remember dating before I was married.  It was much different back then.  Now that I am older and more comfortable with who I am, I approach the dating process a lot differently.  It used to be that I would go on a date like a job interview.  You prepare your questions, you try to anticipate what they are looking for based on what you know about them, and then tell them exactly what you thought they wanted to hear, dress the way you thought they wanted you to, and work really hard to present yourself with the goal of “closing the deal”.  I now know that is totally the wrong approach to dating. 

When I did take this approach, I always felt like something was missing but I wasn’t sure what it was.  I now know… that “something” was me.  It took a while to figure this out.  Now, I know that in order to be in a loving, trusting relationship one has to be comfortable with who “you” are first.  One of my mentors gave me some great advice.  She told me to find a quiet place and sit with my thoughts for a while.  She encouraged me to fill in the blank after these words: “In my relationship with my (partner, child, mother, father, brother, friend, coworker…) I expect to give/offer (fill in the blank)” and then do this one next: “In my relationship with my (partner, child, mother, father, brother, friend, coworker…) I expect and deserve to have/receive (fill in the blank)”. 

When I did this exercise, it was very awakening for me.  I realized that most of my relationships were one way.  Because I was treating them like a job.  Don’t take this the wrong way…. I started the entire process with a “job interview” so I got off on the wrong foot of trying to be what everyone else expected, wanted, etc. 

It’s a daily reminder with all the people in my life that while I am “giving” of myself to others… it’s important to take something back for me.  To expect it and know that I deserve it.  It’s all about finding that healthy balance of “give and take” that creates harmony in the world. 

I encourage you all to reflect on the relationships you have in your lives.  Do you have healthy balance?  If not, it’s ok.  Make a conscious decision to take steps to get back into balance, and take them one at a time.  Get a journal and ask yourself the questions above.  I hope it awakens something in you as it did for me.

Love and Light,

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