As I sit here this morning on the eve of New Year’s Eve with a fresh cup of coffee, I find myself thinking about jumping into the New Year. I really want to flip the calendar page over and jump right into the New Year with both feet. I feel a bit exhilarated about the New Year. You see, I love the thought of a fresh start, a clean slate, a do-over! Last year I made resolutions for the first time. I just looked back over my list to see how I did, where I fell short, what I want to keep on the list from last year and improve upon, what needs to be long forgotten and what needs to be added. I’m super goal oriented, always have been. I love a good task list that I can check off. The ultra competitive me really loves list making and the insecure me really hates it because I don’t like to fail! Yet, this is really a time for me to push myself outside of my comfort zone and into new territory! So, here it goes for 2012…(drum roll here, please!)
• Last year I vowed to clean less and live more! While I did improve last year as I spent less time with a sponge and Clorox in hand, I still worried about it. I suppose I did live more, but I must confess, my head was still cleaning toilets. Blech! So, this year, I will teach my son how to clean his toilet! I will teach him how to clean his bathroom and how to dust his room and while I’m at it, I will teach him how to sort his laundry. My rationale here is that while he is working on his, I can work on mine and we will finish in half the time and then be ready to go live life, right?
• Last year I vowed to care a little less about what others thought of me and also to surround myself with others who let me be me without remorse or apology. As I reflect on this, I did pretty well but I do need to dig my heels in here a bit more. It seems that I may really be a masochist because I kept going back for more from those who drug me, and everyone else, down. Argh! So, here we again, practice makes perfect and this year, I will walk away and do what I love and love what I do. I will spend more time with the people I love and who love me back and less time with those who are pleased only when we are all on the rock bottom!
• Last year I vowed to embrace Facebook rather than run from it. Well, this year I actually posted stuff so I call that improvement! With that said, I must confess, I did post then delete immediately! Yet, progress is progress and to tell the truth, I did enjoy connecting and reconnecting with friends and family and letting them into my world a little bit more! So, I will post a little more and walk away without clicking the delete icon!
• Last year I vowed to speak my mind a little more rather than choke on my words even when I know it needs to be said. The interesting thing about this resolution is that this year I need to add speak less and listen more! I tend to talk just to talk because I don’t like silence. So, I guess I need to clarify this resolution. I vow to talk less and listen more while speaking my truths when I take the gag off of my mouth!
• New to my list this year is a resolution for health and fitness. Last year I was like a roller coaster…up and down, up and down. This year, I really need to stay up! I want to stay up! It’s more than about appearances, although I do love when I can fit into my favorite pair of jeans. It’s more about healthy living. I have this one body and this one life so I want to make sure this body can carry me through! This would probably be a good time to add walking the dogs more as a resolution too. Hey, their good health can be tied to mine, right?!
• Also new to my list this year is to laugh more and to let my hair down! I tend to be very serious. Too serious. I tend to stay buttoned up and rarely let loose. This year I had some moments when I let down my inhibitions and you know what? I liked it. I liked it a lot. I learned the joy of Nerf gun wars with my husband and son and my son’s friends. They dubbed me mama kamakazee and I like that name. There were times when I laughed so hard, I nearly tinkled. Oh yes, I did just say “tinkled”. I had some crazy dance parties with my son. If you have ever seen my dancing, you would know, my dancing is something like Elaine’s from Seinfeld, but my kid doesn’t care. We laughed and we had fun. I knew this had to become a resolution when he wrote a paper about it for school. I never knew how much it meant to him! It also made my hubby laugh and let his metaphorical hair down as well. So, I will sing, dance and shoot Nerf guns more and care a whole lot less about what it looks like or what anyone else thinks!
• Finally, I resolve to open my closet door more. As 2011 closes I realize that I started to open my closet door a little but I never really stepped out of the security of that darkness! By the end of 2012 I want to report back that I swung that door wide open and jumped out with both feet!
I guess like last year, I just want to live. I want to live a fun and love filled life. I want to give more of myself without restriction and without censorship. I want to laugh and laugh hard! I want to love with my whole heart. I want to feel euphoric both physically and mentally and emotionally. I want to swing open that closet door and yell “Hello World… Brace yourself! Here I am!”
Happy New Year friends! May you live 2012 with your closet door wide open!
With Love and Grace,