Over the last several months I have been trying to figure out where my mojo went and how do I get it back? I’ve been searching high and low, left and right, behind things, under things, through things… all to no avail. My mojo had simply left my body and I’ve been struggling without it. The questions remain; where is my mojo and how do I get it to come back to me?
I’ve mentioned (over and over again) that I believe in “billboards” or signs from God, the Universe, Angels… the billboards are there and it’s up to us to pay attention to the directions they are pointing for us to go. Well, my billboards sent us packing! My family recently took a “tech free” vacation. My husband desperately needed to check out and frankly, it was going to be good for me to detach from my Smartphone which some days doesn’t feel so smart to me. We went old school. We channeled our inner children and took ourselves (and our son) on the kind of feel good vacation we cherish from our childhood. Camping and hiking. Gone were the plush hotels with beautiful baths. Hello tent! Hello portable potty (or more often than not, hello fabulous tree and bush).
One night under the brilliant stars and nearly full moon, I realized that I need to let go. I spent some time in my Blue Book of Brilliance (aka blue spiral notebook that holds my greatest thoughts). I realized that in that space, that night, I had let go and it was a beautiful place to be – physically and emotionally. I realized that I hang on to every little piece of minutia that is thrown in my path each and every day and try to successfully navigate through each piece of the dung, even when the dung isn’t mine to sort out and even when the dung is really just a rabbit pellet that needs to be kicked aside. While I was travelling I read a piece that one of my oldest and dearest friends wrote about letting go. She was having the same problem… go figure! As I digested yet another billboard that it was time to release the irrelevant “stuff”, I got my first lesson in letting go. My uncle died while we were travelling and as I was receiving the news from my dad, we lost reception in the canyons. Crap! What was I supposed to do now? I didn’t have a plan and I didn’t have a way to get to my family. We were hours from an airport and that airport only had limited flights (like every other day sort of limited) so by the time I could catch the flight I would have missed the funeral. My heart ached with sadness for my family and also with guilt that I couldn’t be there for my dad as he said goodbye to his brother. I had to let go and be in the “present” for my husband and son as there was nothing I could do about the other. My dad told me that I had to let go. I had permission yet it was consuming me.
It was at this point as I was staring into our dwindling campfire taking in the sounds and scents around me that I realized that I owed it to everyone, including myself, to let go of what was now out of my control. The next morning, I had a moment with technology. Inexplicably, my Smartphone got smart and I received an email from my “special friend”. Her Angel message of the week was about letting go and releasing what isn’t ours to hang on to any longer. Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding! I felt like I had won a prize! Another billboard and I was alert and paying attention.
The rest of the trip was a blur. I let go. I did things so out of character for myself… I raced on a zipline, I did a bungee jump in terror with zero regard for what others below were thinking (yes, I cringe at the unflattering pictures and rejoice in letting it go), I white water rafted, I skipped showers (I was camping, not like I had a choice but I kind of enjoyed it), I stood at what felt like the edge of the earth and I peed in the bushes surrounded by nature. I was totally in the present with my family, right where I was supposed to be for the first time in a while.
On the long trip home I sort of felt panicked. I was trying to figure out how I was going to maintain this freedom in my head. Crap. There went the ten days of work I had done on myself. No! I refused to let those thoughts back in my head. It’s my head! I declared that I and only I will control what comes in there and what will be invited to stay! While recognizing all of these truths I realized that I wouldn’t be able to do this alone so I took a bit to summon God and my Angels for their help in letting go. Maybe they could send me reminders or billboards along the way?
When we got home, they didn’t let me down! The billboards won’t stop now and I’m not trying to force them to this time. Lesson one in letting go…take the help when it is given! One of the first billboards I received came when I was frantically trying to get our life back and get our son ready for the first day of school. I was running in ten directions and staggering each way. Then I received an email from a friend that was a forward. I usually hit delete without a second thought but this time I read. It was an analogy of recognizing what was important in your life and letting go of the “stuff” that fills in the gaps and suffocates or pushes out what is important. The next billboard came to me via Facebook of all places. It was in the wee morning hours and my head was filling with icky thoughts, most of those thoughts were planted by ill willing folks. You know, those self doubting, self deprecating kinds of thoughts that drag you through the dung. I was mindlessly thumbing through my newsfeed when I found a posting from my cousin that read “Tell everyone you know: ‘My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.’” ~ Abraham. Wow! Talk about timing!
Finally, I was balancing the checkbook and paying bills and got hung up on the fact that that I wasn’t balanced to the penny. This is where my Type A personality can really hinder life and productivity. I needed to let it go and accept the error and finish the task at hand. However, I proceeded to piss away a little more time that I was resentful for giving to the task when again, I received an email with the following byline “Let Go or Be Dragged”! That was my AHA moment. I looked to the sky and whispered my thanks to those responsible for the billboards and shutdown the computer and wrote the balance in my checkbook, without finding the error!
As silly as that sounds, it was a monumental moment for me to walk away and let that go. It was in that moment that I realized that I had control of my head again. My mojo was coming back to me! I was inspired. I have been filling the pages of my Blue Book of Brilliance (yes, Lydia, you heard me right!)! The messages could not be clearer or more precise or timely… let go of the crap and open up the space (and time) for the good stuff! I would be remiss if I didn’t add this one little detail. That night, I went to bed and as I began to drift to sleep I was startled awake with a thought. All of a sudden I knew what the error in my checkbook was and I was in fact balanced to the penny. A huge shout out to those who look after me for giving me that one final tidbit of peace and reinforcement on this journey!
With love and gratitude,