It’s challenging being single in your Forties, especially after being part of a relationship for a very long time and then suddenly not (even after 10 plus years go by – it never really gets easier, it just becomes part of your new routine).
Let’s talk about that word “relationship”. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and meet different needs for different people. Some are in relationships where they are not getting their needs met, but choose to hang on — because not being in a relationship is scarier than sitting quietly next to someone who is familiar, but will never have the capacity to ever meet their needs.
This is where two halves create a HOLE.
I was talking with a friend today who said something that resonated so deeply with me that I had to share it. Before my conversation with her, I was thinking to myself that no one likes it when a relationship doesn’t work. Sometimes it leaves us feeling like we must have failed, or that something is wrong with us or the other person. When the truth of the matter is that no matter how hard you think you want to love something or someone, the shear desire of “wanting it” can’t make it happen. It’s like building a jigsaw puzzle and coming across two pieces that look like they should fit… but no matter how hard you try and smash them together, they never will go together in a clean way. Something will always be off.
Sure, I want to be wanted, but I will not settle for a relationship with someone who desires me, but doesn’t have the capacity to love without condition, to listen and really hear me, to know inherently when I am having a bad day and offer to give me a hand to make it better, to wrap their arms around me and make me feel a part of something bigger, to be fully present and experience life with me.
My friend says to me “The world is full of people who sit next to each other every day and want to feel like they are with someone, but in fact they are sitting alone”. Again, this is where two halves create a HOLE. Today I have discovered that I don’t want to be sitting next to someone who will never be able to meet my needs in a relationship. I will choose someone who makes me feel part of something bigger and not part of a hole.
I am unique and entirely whole on my own. Today I choose to be part of something bigger and leave the “other” hole behind. It no longer serves me.
Love and Light,